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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My Brother in Law sent me a picture of a little country store in Ireland. It's in the town of Shit Creek. The store sells canoe paddles. The sign on the store says "Buy a Paddle from us and you'll never be up Shit Creek without a Paddle".
My Brother-in-Law and I always tell jokes back and forth and many a prank have been pulled on both of us by both of us through the years. When I saw the Shit Creek sign it got my mind going so I wrote him a little story. Hope you enjoy it.


(Before reading this, I had a problem with spell check. It would prevent me from typing caramel and for some reason it always corrected to “shit”. I didnt realize it until after I sent it)

In reference to Shit Creek.

Yeah, been there done that. Our line did a lot of shit over the years. Shit ran right through my department at work.
One night we had to fire a guy for trying to steal our shit by hiding it in his lunch box. But our ever present security discovered our shit in his lunch box that night and the guy was fired. He tried to claim that it was his shit but everyone knew what our shit looked like plus the security guard had pictures on his wall of our shit so he knew what our shit looked like. When he finally confessed he said he had been trying to take a shit for days but wasn’t sure when he would get away with taking a shit so when he got the chance he took a lot of shit and loved it. Then he got caught with the shit and now he’s out of work because of the dumb shit. I’ve since heard he went to work in a factory that makes crap. If he takes a crap he could be up the creek without a paddle. But that’s his problem.

One night when I was having trouble with the shit sticking to the belt, I tried to take a single shit but I only ended in the shit getting all over my hands. Walking over to the sink to clean the shit off of my hands, one of the girls on the line laughed and pointed to the shit on my hands and curled her nose up at me. I told her not to laugh at me or I’d smear the shit in her hair. She would not stop so I tried to put the shit in her hair and missed, ending up with it all over her face and in her mouth. She just sat there all shit faced. But she thought it was funny and looking back I still remember her shit eating grin.

When we finally got the line running again, the shit that was sitting in the cooling tunnels would not transfer at the belt transfer and we ended up with a big pile of shit, all over the belt and the floor. We had to shovel all the shit off the floor so we found a bunch of buckets and shoveled it all into the buckets. Shoveling shit was not what I expected to be doing when I came in that night. We each had a bucket of shit to take to the dumpster and we all had at least one dump. Some of us had two.

I finally said “enough of this shit” and decided to shut the line down and clean all of the shit off the line. As we shut down the line and the belts ran slower, just before stopping we started to hear the belts creaking. Looking at the belt drive pulley we discovered even that was full of shit, which made a shit creak. Soon we found shit in places we didn’t even know existed. The shit was everywhere.

We eventually got every bit of shit cleaned up, got the line going again, and the shit was finally running down the line like it was supposed to. We got the shit through the wrapping machines, boxed all up and stored in the warehouse. After all that we found out the people that ordered all this shit backed out of the contract and didn’t take our shit. So we ended up with a warehouse full of shit and nowhere to go with it. We had shit coming out of our ears but we had to keep the shit flowing until all of the raw product that went into making the shit was gone. Turned out the shit wasn’t selling and everyone was full of shit. We tried giving a shit but no one would take a shit. Someone came up with a great idea to sell the shit in cans. So we had to set up a line to transfer all our shit from the shit boxes into cans. It took weeks to get all the shit canned. We eventually changed the whole line over to canning the shit but we were having trouble cramming the shit into the cans until we discovered if we thinned the shit we could squirt the shit right in the can, label the cans “Hershey Squirts”, and we couldn’t make enough shit to go around.

Oh, well. I’m retired now and thinking back on all the shit that went down that line, I feel that I made a lot of people happy with all that shit. It was always first rate shit, clean and smooth, no lumps. We could run our shit through a 40 micron screen and it never touch the sides of the screen wire. Now that’s some good shit, man. That’s how well the shit flowed. And I never heard of anyone eating shit and dying. So overall I’m happy. Just remember next time you’re eating our shit. It was a lot of work pushing all that shit out, lots of grunting and long hours of work making all that shit. I still keep a little stash of shit hidden so no one takes my shit. I’m going to my little room, get out my magazines, sit and get comfortable, take a shit, and enjoy the experience. Go buy some of our shit and try it. You’ll never eat cheap shit again.

Markus O’Really

(I know. It was pretty darn shitty of me to write this. But hey, I really don't give a..................crap, LOL )
 
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